Well I heard that this was a real rare find But now I think that I must have been out of my mind I paid too much That price feels like a joke I paid too much This was a stupid way to go broke I paid too much for the record That dealer just robbed me blind No bonus tracks, no collector's pin And I think that the singer's just phoning it in I paid too much I gave up too much cash I paid too much This is the most expensive thing in my trash I paid too much for the record Shoulda got it from the discount bin Next time I think about making a purchase I'll look back on this day and cry Landlord's asking me to pay my rent But my last paycheck it came and went I paid too much I don't even like the band I paid too much This was an expensive plan I paid too much for the record And my bank account took a dent I paid too much I'm a collector who just can't say no I paid too much Only ten more payments to go I paid too much for the record Now I can't afford to see the show I paid too much for the record It was too much money to blow I paid too much for the record And now I've got a fortune to owe

I’m fresh out of hope at the end of my rope I asked a girl on a date and the girl said nope I had my confidence blown, my home rezoned My car repossessed and my chicken deboned There was an alien spacecraft hovering high I threw a rock and knocked it out of the sky I got stuck with the bill for a hundred mill I don’t know how to pay it but I guess I will I need to stop doing things before I think them through I need to put some planning into what I do Look left right left, then cross the street But I still get hit ‘cause I’ve got two left feet My guardian angel’s taking a snooze I don’t read the paper ‘cause it’s all bad news I was named as plaintiff in a dozen cases I bought new shoes then I tripped on the laces Everybody’s staring at me I stole a pen from the bank ‘cause I thought it was free My life’s a state of total debasement I don’t go to work because they found a replacement I reached the bottom of the barrel Full of hazardous waste and it made me sterile I’ll never get ahead unless I start to cheat But then I’ll still fall behind ‘cause I’ve got two left feet I’ve had sticks I’ve had stones, they’re breakin’ my bones I love company but I’m always alone I broke my mother’s back with a sidewalk crack I had a plan but now I’m way off track My Polaroid pictures never come out I’m at the mercy of the jury but they’re never in doubt My tricks don’t work, my stalkers lurk And all my co-workers well they think I’m a jerk I need to stop and think about my life’s direction I need some serious self reflection Got to keep a low profile be real discreet But it never seems to work ‘cause I’ve got two left feet

Outfit number one, got spaghetti and meatballs on the arm On the arm! Outfit number two has a sweater in blue, but it's too warm It's too warm! I'm on outfit three, and that's a lot for me, but Third time's the charm! Third time's the charm! Third time's the charm! Third time's the charm! Third time's the charm! It's hard to decide It might be cold outside, but Third time's the charm These clothes are cute but they say there might be a storm Storm! I like this hat but he can't wear that because it's torn Torn! We've been through the closet but I think we've got it, because Third time's the charm! Third time's the charm! Third time's the charm! Third time's the charm! Third time's the charm! It's hard to decide It might be cold outside, but Third time's the charm These overalls look like our son is working on a farm On a farm! This outfit's pink, what will people think, but where's the harm? Where's the harm! No matter what the choice he's our pride and joy so Third time's the charm! Third time's the charm! Third time's the charm! Third time's the charm! Third time's the charm! It's hard to decide It might be cold outside, but Third time's the charm

Well I was driving with my folks down a country road When suddenly we hit the motherlode Just a few feet away on a rusty sign It said Farm Fresh Eggs, Twelve for a Dime Dozen eggs, dozen eggs What a tasty treat Dozen eggs, dozen eggs And that price can’t be beat Dozen eggs, dozen eggs It’s a deal so fine Farm fresh eggs, twelve for a dime I checked my pockets for change so I could locate a dime But ten shiny pennies was all I could find My mom told me not to worry, everything would be fine Because ten shiny pennies are as good as a dime I count one, two, three Pennies out of my hand Then four, five, six More to give to the man Then seven, then eight Then number nine And one more penny makes as much as a dime Well that was a sale that we couldn’t ignore They were so much cheaper than the grocery store I handed over ten cents then home we drove To start making plans for the eggs and the stove Now how will I use my dozen eggs? Eggs 1 and 2 On my breakfast plate Eggs 3, 4, 5 I plan to decorate Egg 6 Boil it up for a tasty snack Egg 7 Use the shell for arts and crafts Eggs 8 and 9 Feed to the alligator Eggs 10 and 11 Gonna save them for later Egg 12 Will help me make a chocolate cake And that’s how I used my dozen eggs Dozen eggs, dozen eggs What a tasty treat Dozen eggs, dozen eggs And that price can’t be beat Dozen eggs, dozen eggs It’s a deal so fine Farm fresh eggs, twelve for a dime

Mom said get your coat we're gonna take a little drive to the B Store I didn't know what to say 'cause that's a store I'd never heard about before I said Mom this is scary for me Don't want to pay to get stung by a bumblebee Mom laughed and said son you've got a lot to learn about the B Store I was still kinda scared when I walked up the stairs to the B Store But my mom seemed fine so I pushed right through the front door Then it was love at first sight for me Everything there started with the letter B And now I couldn't wait to spend a bucket of cash at the B Store I got a pair of boys' boots in burgundy Got a new basketball and some batteries Bought a bunch of books so I'll never be bored Bought new brake pads for my Honda Accord Bean bag chair to make sitting a blast A bicycle so I can ride real fast I got board games galore and a baseball mitt And baby that's only the half of it Well at the end of the day you couldn't tear me away from the B Store I bought the whole ball of wax but I want to come back because I need more Mom said I'm glad you had a ball But this is not the only store in the shopping mall Maybe next time we'll head next door and go shopping at the C Store

Josephine You're probably gonna be the cutest little girl your folks have ever seen Josephine And even if you grow into a sullen and sarcastic at risk teen You'll always be your parents' princess til you grow up to be a queen Josephine Josephine I know there's very little chance that Josephine will come to be your name But I have to call you something so I guess I'll go with Josephine just the same I learned about your gender at a party where we got to play a game I'm glad I came You know what I mean Josephine Then Your folks will be an embarrasment You'll want to keep them a secret Their stupid band in the basement Josephine When you grow up you might replace your father in the band You'll have to because when he's old he'll fight a robot shark and lose his hand And when we play this song you'll realize that it was all part of the plan You're not just a fan You're on the team Josephine Josephine I can't wait to meet you Josephine

Why you gotta be a baby Why you actin so small Well I'm walkin and a talkin But you're still learnin to crawl I ask you baby if you're hungry And you cry, you just cry You never answer my questions And I don't know why Why you gotta be a baby Why you actin so small Well I'm walkin and a talkin But you're still learnin to crawl Baby I think you're getting tired You're closing your eyes, your eyes You don't listen when I'm talking You don't even try Why you gotta be a baby Why you actin so small Well I'm walkin and a talkin But you're still learnin to crawl Maybe one day you're gonna grow up You'll get past your awkward stage And then you'll stop being a baby And start acting your age Why you gotta be a baby Why you actin so small Well I'm walkin and a talkin But you're still learnin to crawl

Find the hidden mic Is it on the credenza? Or in the baby’s crib? Does it come with a camera? How do they know where I live? Find the hidden mic It’s a violation of my civil liberties Find the hidden mic Why are they listening? What do they hope to gain? Will they send an official letter? Will they ever explain? Find the hidden mic They say it’s for my own protection Find the hidden mic Well I’ve got some things I want to keep private Secrets dark and deep It’s not like I’m doing something illegal I just don’t want folks to know I’m a creep This is driving me crazy I’m tearing up the walls Looking for their mini transponder They’ve got me by the balls Find the hidden mic Say goodbye to personal privacy Find the hidden mic

This town it stinks like hell Doesn't smell like a town is supposed to smell Is there somebody to tell? Everyone's wearing masks upon their face They're packing up and trying to leave the place They think it's toxic waste I could buy a house here just like that Credit extended and a welcome mat It's right next door to the sulfur plant This town it smells so bad inside I want to run and hide It's like somebody died This town it smells like rotten eggs It isn't very good But it's my neighborhood I keep the windows closed It's either that or I'd have to shut my nose That's just how it goes The realtor laughed when he cashed my check It's like he knew that my life had just gone to heck And that I'd never get to use my backyard deck I tried to back out but I can't There's no one left to listen to my rant There's just my house and the sulfur plant This town I cannot stand the stink It's driving me to drink It's from next door I think

How can I be friends with you when you won't be friends with me How can I talk to you when you won't say nothin' to me How can I visit you when you never come visit me How can I play with you when you won't never play with me I miss you still I always will I like to think it's not done But you can consider me gone It's been a long time comin' now we saw the signs long before You are my greatest casualty in this stupid senseless war Yes, I wish things were different than they seem to be But I'm so tired of defending myself when everyone else picks on me I miss you still I always will I like to think it's not done But you can consider me gone You can consider me gone